So... this happened.

It had been some time since she had been on a girls night out to have a bit of fun. There could have been some underlying wishful thinking of meeting someone yes, but the main intention was simply to have fun. So she went out with her friend, did some bar hopping (say, 3-4) and finally ended up at a bar where they were really enjoying themselves. Good music, good cocktails & gossip. What else can a girl ask for? Well, here she should have reminded herself that nothing good really happens after 2 am (or even 12 am).

They were hanging out at the bar, occasionally checking out the place and appreciating the fact that the people were "their kind of people". You know, people they might have gone to the same university with, or working at similar places, or probably friends of friends. Which obviously (subconsciously) gave her the idea that well, yes, why not? She could just as well meet someone there and go on a date. And just as if on cue, a guy appeared right next to her! Quite cute, decent looking, and most importantly seeming to be interested in her. She kind of ignored him for a bit (not really as part of a "game" or anything but just wanted to understand if he was really interested). Then voila - can he buy her a drink? Well she already had her drink, so thanks but no thanks. He seemed indignant but did not push much, and even disappeared for a few minutes. Score! Caught her attention, nice game. This went on for quite a while as he kept coming to her, asking her random questions, re-offering to get a round of shots (which they finally had). They started to chat for longer periods, learnt somehow about each other. At least as a first impression, what he was saying was intriguing - experience abroad, owning a start up company, traveling around... Well, there seems to be a click there - good!

Cutting to the chase, the night went on and like any other 30-something-man could similarly intend, he was eager on taking her home. When the bar was closing down, they went out along with their friends. A bit of awkwardness, standing in front of a grocery store past 3 am. Trying to decide what to do (other than ending up with a kg of strawberries as a gift)... Then she decided - she did not want to go home with him, but then her friend was suggesting he could be good dating material. For that, why not? Interestingly though, he was not asking for a number. And she obviously was not going to prompt him or anything (felt like playing the cool chic, I guess) but her friend suddenly asked him why he wasn't doing that. Apparently he couldn't because he was engaged. Yes, engaged. Engaged as in getting married to a lovely girl some time this year. Sooo, he couldn't go on dates or anything - but apparently he was free to intend to take girls home. Interesting perception of marriage. And more interestingly, he actually had hope that the girl would go home with him, knowing the engagement, thinking it should be ok since he was free until the "I do". And how come we did not respect him for being so honest? Hmm. A brand new approach to honesty.

And what about the reactions to the story from the girl's friends? Well, that's another story by itself. All girls' reactions were consistently swearwords, whereas the guys' merely laughed off by calling the guy "amateur".

So... this happened.

Parallel Universe

She's texting him right now. "I might run late, I'll text you when I'm home"
"Take your time". She's right on time after all, but then he loses his keys and ends up running late to pick her up.

Still, the night is beautiful. The first date, as she calls it later on, making him laugh.

They talk anything and everything. 4 hours, maybe 5.. The laughter. The occasional touches. The friendly manners. The romantic gestures. The happy butterflies. The goodnight texts.

She goes to sleep with a smile on her lips.

In a parallel universe..

Being brave, the goodbyes, and the unsaid last goodbye

So.. Time is up.

The last day is officially here. Although I should hardly call it the real last day right? It will actually be a "soft transition" phase for me. Subconsciously, I should be more relieved, as per my plan: I'll be back 5 weeks later, by which time I will have already settled back home, gotten back used to being away from Dubai so that when I go back for good, I will be alright.

But of course, right now I can't help but have mixed feelings. Because I know that next time I'll be here, it will only be for a couple of weeks, just like a tourist - but with more work to do.. To move out of the house, sell the car, deal with the relocation chores..

What will I miss here? My apartment, of all places and above everything. First-ever "my place". My beautiful view... The Marina, the beautiful friends I made here, the assignment at work that has taught me so much, the colleagues that turned into friends.. The memories I have here with my innumerable visitors which I recall every time I revisit a place. And yes, I should also mention that plummeting heartbeat of the last couple of my Dubai months.. The rush of blood to my heart, to my brain.. The smiles, the warmth of my heart.. The heart break.. Being brave and saying goodbye at the right time.. Yes, of course I'm reminiscing about all of this tonight, as I sit on my balcony..

I'm not breaking my beautiful Dubai times down to him, of course not. But tonight, I feel like doing that as I write here.

I frankly haven't thought much about him, at least not as much as I had thought I would. Maybe I was too pre-occupied.. But coming to the last day in Dubai, I wonder whether I have already said everything possible to him the night I said my goodbye almost 2 months ago. Regardless... Tonight in particular, I feel like talking to him. I feel like asking him why. Why he never even cared enough to contact me. Why had he chosen to tell me over and over again back then that he would keep calling me. Yes I'd said I would not answer, but at the end of the day he did create that expectation. That he would call. That he would show up suddenly at my doorstep. That he would do something. Not just feeble and childish acts of communication through the likes/comments on social media, no. I mean REAL contact. I would tell him that this made me realize something. That the past he was always so hung up on will haunt him forever, if he doesn't let things go. That even if his big issues would pass, the past will always be there. That I would probably never have been completely happy with him anyway. That he was right, perhaps all of this IS for the best. That the universe's power is always with me. That yes I do miss him, but that it doesn't change anything. I was brave enough to walk away, and that was the right thing to do. I wanted to see him every now and then; but then I realized - what's the point?

So I decided... no need to have yet another goodbye. Some things are better left unsaid, maybe just written. With the comfort of feeling that they will still be somehow said to him, known to him..

Collide

Great song by Howie Day...

(...)

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

(...)

Don't stop here
I've lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find 
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide..

Somewhere only we know

Just watched one of the classic romcoms that I can't get enough of - "He's Just Not That Into You". Every time I watch it, I'm reminded of the fact that I need to stop attaching a meaning to "every message I receive from him". And there is a very simple reason for that: We would have been dating for a looong long time if he had been interested. He would have made it happen. As he obviously has not made it happen; he's just not that into me; time to move on.

And the music... I love Keane but for some reason I keep forgetting this and don't really listen to them that often. So every time I watch the movie, and every time the happily-ever-after scene comes up (neutralizing the big-bang advice the movie gives via the rest of the scenes - yes, the guy realizes just how stupid he has been by not noticing the feelings he has for the girl!), I smile and sing along, secretly wishing my life could some day be like an alternative music video of this song...

Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go 
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know?

"I do" vs "Single&Fabulous"

It's official: I've just become of age to go to my friends' weddings.

NOT my parents' friends' kids' weddings any more, not with my parents - it really feels weird having friends invite you to their happiest day and witness their happiness with common friends..

I really can't help think back to those times when we were silly little girls, trying to figure out whether "that boy" was fancying her or "his friend" was ever going to like me, attaching a special meaning to whatever they were saying/doing/texting (as if I don't do that any more - some things never change). Part of me wants to live those times all over again (which is very stupid because I actually would never want to go back to highschool and live thru 10 years from the beginning - too much gossip, too much drama for my taste!), while another part of me embraces a grandma-like mindset and keeps saying "you really have grown up, all of you.." (too grown up for my taste!)

And of course there come the thoughts - Do I want to be in their place? With whom? When? How? Where?..

My answer? Not just yet, for sure (for obvious reasons on the "with" part and for many others on the others) - so no worries, it seems I will remain single&fabulous (a great quote by Carrie Bradshaw) for some more time.

Modern Day Fairytales

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a 20-something-single-girl with a newly-kicked-off career must be in want (search) of unconquered love (to be utterly and thoroughly happy). 

Yes, I'm a big Jane Austen fan. I practically grew up with Pride&Prejudice as my bedside novel. Back in midschool, I remember myself placing the people in my life in the roles of P&P characters (guess who I was?). When this game became boring, I invented another one: whenever I'm abroad, I search thru bookstores for books with a title reference to Austen/P&P (yes, I really have enough books to open my own Jane Austen store). I smile whenever I read an Austen-fan author's Austen references in between the lines - sort of an inside joke. I can even sense the Austen-impact on some authors' styles, especially on the male protagonists. Speaking of which (and cutting to the chase) - yes, ever since I was a teenage girl, I have been dreaming of the existence of a certain Mr. Darcy.

And looking at the way modern day relationships roll out, I guess we can still keep our hopes up - Darcys are really out there. Looking for examples? Some Darcys' small but meaningful gestures sometimes going unnoticed by the modern-day Elizabeths.. Extremely shy Darcys considered as smug.. Deceitful Wickhams believed to be "the one" (for a short time, hopefully) while poor Darcys are overlooked (until the Wickhams end up with their perfect-match-Ms-Nobodies).. Other Darcys selflessly and continously saving the day for Elizabeths, no matter how big or small the case.. In any case, Darcys&Elizabeths having ups&downs and arguments and misunderstandings - and yet their relationship ultimately surviving all..

See, Darcy does exist. Not as a whole maybe, but as bits and pieces in many Darcys. Call me a romantic - I'll always be a fan of modern day fairytales..